Post by Caroline on Nov 10, 2007 22:29:38 GMT -5
As some of you may know, I was in a very deep relationship with this girl, Matty. We recently broke up, and I thought I could get on with my life. WRONG! I just got back from a date with this girl I met on myspace. We went to the mall, chatted, everything. I was doing good, until we kissed. The only thing on my mind became Matty. I forced myself so hard to finish kissing her, and stop thinking of Matty. The pain came rushing back, and it still churns about in my heart like a raging river. The only face I can see, the only person I feel, is her. I'm never going to get over her. Im never going to stop loving her. Damnit, why couldn't she have given us a chance? Why does she get to decide that she doesn't want to try, and I'm stuck picking up the shattered remains of my heart? I told Matty, I said, "I'd rather die than live my life without you." You have no idea how tempting it is to carry out what I said to her. What the hell is the point anymore? We promised eachother! We made a damn promise! I was gonna go to Japan to see her. We were going to buy a house together, and live happily, just the two of us. She promised me so much bullshit and never came through. I want to show her how much she hurt me. I want her to feel the strain that was going in my heart and mind as I was kissing my date tonight. I'm never going to get over her...and it's going to take a lifetime to accept the fact that she doesn't love me as she told me.
I can't live on like this. I just can't. And I'm sorry to bitch on here like this, but I'm thisclose to just saying "fuck it, I give up" Do yourself a huge favor...don't give your entire heart to someone. You'll get fucked in the end.
*Update*
I was prepared to delete this post, but you know what? I don't feel like I should. This was what I was feeling, and it was the honest truth in my heart. I have a wonderful update for you all. Matty and I are getting back together. It took a little time and effort, but we worked out our issues with eachother. She says now she doesn't care about distance or time differences. I think she's prepared, or is preparing, to give her heart. To my friends who worry about me, I will be careful. I'm not going to let myself get hurt again. I realize alot of my friends are going to yell at me and think I'm a fool for "buying into" her tricks. But, that's okay. If I'm a fool, then I'm a happy fool, and a careful fool. I love her, and for the first time, I didn't have to tell her first.
I can't live on like this. I just can't. And I'm sorry to bitch on here like this, but I'm thisclose to just saying "fuck it, I give up" Do yourself a huge favor...don't give your entire heart to someone. You'll get fucked in the end.
*Update*
I was prepared to delete this post, but you know what? I don't feel like I should. This was what I was feeling, and it was the honest truth in my heart. I have a wonderful update for you all. Matty and I are getting back together. It took a little time and effort, but we worked out our issues with eachother. She says now she doesn't care about distance or time differences. I think she's prepared, or is preparing, to give her heart. To my friends who worry about me, I will be careful. I'm not going to let myself get hurt again. I realize alot of my friends are going to yell at me and think I'm a fool for "buying into" her tricks. But, that's okay. If I'm a fool, then I'm a happy fool, and a careful fool. I love her, and for the first time, I didn't have to tell her first.